BDSM for Goreans & Play Vs. Punishment
There are some common misconceptions among Goreans "in the know" (though, since they pride themselves on having never practiced BDSM, one wonders just HOW they know) that BDSM activities are about cruelty, "subbies in control" or "subbie" brats misbehaving deliberately for punishment..
As someone who has been active in the BDSM community for nearly 15 years, I can tell you that there are as many ways to incorporate those activities into one's life as there are people to do it!
First off, it isn't about cruelty any more than a Gorean Master/slave relationship is (although many non-Goreans would say that Gor is all about cruelty… They are also mistaken). It is all consensual. It is something the participants do because they get something out of it. If it is not, no matter what the relationship dynamic, then it is not a lifestyle. It is abuse. Plain and simple. (more about that here)
As for who is in control, that depends totally on the individuals involved. Individuals who are enjoying it as an activity for their enjoyment, but not involved in any other power exchange tend to give the submissive party much of a say…How much depends completely on the persons involved. There are no hard and fast rules.
Individuals who are in a Master/slave relationship generally hold that the Master (or Mistress, as the case may be) is in charge. Period.
I know that my Master is in charge no matter what activity we are participating in. I do not "top from the bottom" unless he specifically desires that. And then who is it in charge? Still Master, as I am following his wishes.
Master is in charge during any other activity we may engage in. Why would BDSM be any exception?
And now, on to the punishment issue.
I get SO sick of hearing about how "BDSM subbies" (a term used as derogatory in many Gorean circles) "act out to be punished".
I do not. Ever. Nor do any slaves I know personally. I hate to be punished!! There is no pleasure in it AT ALL. If a slave is punished, it means she has displeased her owner in some way. What slave desires to displease her owner!?
BDSM play is not punishment. Now, since I'm sure someone will point this out if I don't, I suppose it *could * be used as punishment if the slave hated BDSM activities, but in itself, play is an activity.
Punishment is…well…just that.
Put more simply:
Main Entry: 2play
Date: before 12th century
1 a : to engage in sport or recreation : FROLIC
Main Entry: pun·ish
Etymology: Middle English punisshen, from Middle French puniss-, stem of punir, from Latin punire, from poena penalty -- more at PAIN
Date: 14th century
1 a : to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation b : to inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation
(taken from Merriam-Webster online)
I think that makes it all rather clear. Don't you?
© Khaos WolfKat 2003